Fan Mail

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So, I got this comment from a guy named Dean Berry on my previous post. Or more appropriately, DEAN BERRY -- REAL AMERICAN, since he not only felt the the need to type his name in all caps, but also to give himself a title distinguishing himself from the rest of my readership, who desperately need to be informed of their station in life. I'm sorry, dear readers - you're not REAL AMERICANS. Dean says so.

... right. So, the meat of the comment was this:


...followed by a link to some religious song online, and an exhortation not to remove the comment. I don't listen very well. I told my spam filter it was spam, and I left this for Dean in the comments of that post:

Dear Dean Berry,

I have no idea why you left a comment shouting about ‘confusatives’ and Jesus removing blessings. It is completely irrelevant, with regards to this post. It contains a link which has no relevance to this post.

You ended the comment with “Don’t be a censoring commie; be man enough to keep this post up.” First of all, removing an irrelevant comment with an irrelevant link is not censoring, it’s simply not providing you with your own little forum. You’re being deleted as spam, which is what your comment is, as it lacks relevance. A ‘commie’ would not take this approach. A communist would not draw a distinction between private property (such as this blog) and public property (such as a public forum, where concerns over censorship would be valid). I do, therefore I am not a communist.

Furthermore, and quite material to the post you left your idiotic comment on, I am not a man. I am a woman. If you’d even read the post, you would know that. I don’t want to be ‘man enough’ for anything, thanks.

Oh, and by the way? Typing in ALL CAPS is considered REALLY FUCKING RUDE. It’s the online equivalent of shouting.

Go away, and don’t come back.


Let this be a warning to the rest of the blithering idiots who think my blog is public property: spam is not just commercial email or comments where they're not wanted. It's unsolicited communications online, particularly unsolicited communications without regard for the target's interest. If you post a comment without reading the entry to which you post it, or if the comment has no relevance, if your comment is you shilling for something I don't have a need for - be it Christian songs or renter's insurance, I don't care - or if your comment is in ALL CAPS - I will delete it. You will be marked as spam. This will, incidentally, make it very difficult for you to post comments on my blog in the future, in case that's a concern for you. I have a very good spam filter, and posting a comment with any of the same information (including IP address) as a comment that has been marked as spam will give you such a negative score that even a sparkling, witty dissertation relevant to the post on which you're commenting will likely not get through. Caveat orator.

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I'm glad that you've given this grimy little shitrag his fair say on your blog. You've shown that you, unlike he, read what's posted before you say anything. You've proven you're more of a man than he, and since you're not a man... he's really out of luck.

Plus, you're raising awareness against Spam.

Some eight year old is going to read your post and say "Wow. Spam is bad! That Dean guy is really mean and REALLY FUCKING RUDE (whatever FUCKING means, it makes my mommy mad though so it must be bad). I should say 'No' to spam!" And then instead of growing up to become a spam-tossing script kiddie, he'll grow up to become an FBI investigator and stop a serial killer before the prick offs some other talented person who just might become the next Martin Luther King Jr. or Albert Einstein. You practically just saved the whole goddamned world.

So thank you, Erica. You're not just a REAL AMERICAN. You're a REAL AMERICAN HERO, goddamnit! :)

Sigh. It's out there, now. I shall be forced to wear my underwear on the outside. I need a superhero name.

... well, the only superhero name generator I could find online called me Empress Strange Brain.

I'm convinced. Do we have a seamstress in the house?

Sigh. More SPAM in ALL CAPS from Mr. Dean Berry - this time linking to some site equating President Bush with Hitler. He's got the inside track on the apocalypse, it seems, and wants to make sure I know all about it. He ends the SPAM comment with an exhortation:


Thankfully, I'm not such a DELICATE FLOWER that I can't stand up to his wingnut pressure. Deleted!


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This page contains a single entry by Erica published on December 24, 2005 1:07 PM.

Dear Department Stores, I Hate You, KTHXBAI. was the previous entry in this blog.

Bumpity-Bump-Bump is the next entry in this blog.

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